Simple 24th on 06 August in 2015

Rei Tan would be 39 years old yesterday if he is still alive. He passed away on 15 September 2014 in NUH. It was my harder struggle in my life. I've never felt so lost in my twenty three years. He was looking into my eyes for that moment, holding my hands so tight and then you slowly see him shutting his eye and the heartbeat went 0. 

I really couldn't accept that he was really gone for real. In my dream when i was admitted in hospital which is the same period as him, I know that our future is gone when we were separated by sickness but i didn't know it would be true. I'm still glad that i was given an opportunity to look after him for 1 month before he passed away.

I was discharged on 8 Aug, 1 day before Singapore National Day. He was in ICU fighting his illness, wanting to recover for our future. Before he was admitted to hospital, we got ourselves a space in Woodlands for our flat with HDB. It is something that both of us wish for, to have own flat as i wanted to start a family and he is financial stable to support.  

When i saw him for the first time after i was discharged, i felt so useless yet happy to see him. I really wanted to do my best to be by his side to serve him. All i could do is to be present everyday, ensure that i'm not sick so he is not affected by any virus. Of course his condition did get better and his was transfer to High Dependant Wards under observation and continue his treatment. It was actually dialysis and chemotherapy. 

Seeing him smiling everyday but suffer from the medication, i know that he doesn't like it and really want it to get over with it, He was doing it all for me and his family, to treat his illness so that he can get back to his normal life. To be able to eat whatever he wants and visiting other country.

That 1 month was also a great one for me & his whole family as the younger sister is always there to assist the mother and taking care of rei. It is so touching. It is the best moment in our life to have rei around. 

Not going to continue as i will never forget what happen on 15 Sept 2014. The harder part when i really want him to hold on till he is able to fight to recover but however, i choose to let go. Didn't want him to be in pain any more. His mom & sis was so heartbroken to see him in daze. I know that he is in pain but still want to continue to live in this world. I am sorry to let you go, i really am. 

I miss you, Rei Tan. P.H

My Brother, My Best Friend, My Lover, My Boyfriend, My Future Husband.